நகைச்சுவை: புதிய வடிவில் டிவிங்கிள் டிவிங்கிள் லிட்டில் ஸ்டார்!

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நகைச்சுவை: புதிய வடிவில் டிவிங்கிள் டிவிங்கிள் லிட்டில் ஸ்டார்!

செப்டம்பர் மாதம் முடியப்போகிறது. நம் கவலைகள், பிரச்சினைகளை மறந்து மகிழ்ச்சியோடு செப்டம்பர் பெண்ணை வழியனுப்பி வைப்போம். அதற்கான நகைச்சுவைப் பதிவு இது.

சீரியசான மற்றும் சிடுமூஞ்சி ஆசாமிகள் பதிவை விட்டு விலகவும்.

எல்லாம் இறக்குமதி சரக்கு. சுங்கவரிகூட இல்லாத இலவசச் சரக்கு. மொழிமாற்றம் செய்ய நேரமில்லை. சிலவற்றை ஃபாரின் மேட் லிக்கரை அடிப்பதைப்போல அப்படியே அடிப்பது நல்லது என்ற கண்ணோட்டத்தில் மொழிமாற்றம் செய்யாமல் அப்படியே பெட்டியோடு கொடுத்திருக்கிறேன். தனித் தமிழ் ஆர்வலர்கள் மன்னிக்கவும்

நட்புடன்.
SP.VR. சுப்பையா

(இந்தமாதிரிச் சரக்குகளுக்கு நட்புடன் என்று போடுவேன். வாத்தி (யார்) என்னும் தலைப்பாகையையும் கழற்றி வைத்து விடுவேன். தஞ்சைப் பெரிசுகள் இருவரும் அதைத் கவனத்தில் கொள்ளும்படி கேட்டுக்கொள்ளப் படுகிறார்கள்)
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1
Human brain is the most outstanding object in world. It functions 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born, and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
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2
Always remember:
When SHE cancels a date, it is because..“SHE HAS TO”
But When HE cancels a date, it is because..“HE HAS TWO”
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3
It was a difficult case for the jurors. They had to decide whether the owners of the Bottoms Up Club in NYC were guilty of obscenity. The Judge decided that it would probably be best if the jury went to the club and see the allegedly obscene act.

The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part where a sexy couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic scene of lovemaking on a bearskin rug. The jury was unable to decide definitely whether it was obscene or not. So the jury members asked to see the act one more time. They watched it carefully again. But they still couldn't reach a decision. So this time they asked the understudies to perform the same act one more time.

Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very understanding. According to the Detective: "It is a difficult matter. The police have watched the show 75 times."
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4
திருவாளர் வக்கிரசாமி எழுதிய ஆங்கிலப் பாடல்கள். வாசித்துவையுங்கள். இப்படியும் ஆசாமிகள் இருக்கத்தான் செய்கிறார்கள். என்ன செய்வது? புதன் வக்கிரமாவதுடன், சனியுடன் அல்லது ராகுவுடன் சேர்ந்திருந்தால், அதுவும் 12ல் இருந்தால் இப்படித்தான் எழுதத்தோன்றும். எல்லாம் வாங்கிவந்த வரம்!

I wrote your name on sand, it got washed
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away,
then I wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack.

God saw me hungry, he created pizza
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi
He saw me in dark, he created light
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too
If rain makes all things beautiful, why doesnt it rain on you?

Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo
Dont feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.
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5
A man is speeding down the freeway when he`s stopped by a police car and has to pull over.

"Do you realize you were doing 90 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?" asks the policeman.

"That`s impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver.

The driver`s wife butts in and says, "Yes, you do, I`m always telling you to keep your speed down."

The policeman says, "I also noticed, sir, that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking up to your car."

That is not true, sir; I always wear my seat belt," replies the driver
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"No, you don’t, I`m always telling you to put your seat belt on," says the driver’s wife.

"Dammit, woman!" the driver explodes, "Can’t you, just for once, keep that big, fat trap of yours shut?!"

The policeman is a bit shocked by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often speak to you like this, madam?"

"Oh, no, officer," she says, "only when he`s drunk."
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அடுத்து வருவது இரண்டும் அசைவம். சைவம் மட்டுமே எங்கள் சாய்ஸ் என்பவர்கள் பதிவைவிட்டு விலகலாம். தொடர்ந்து சென்று படித்துவிட்டு வருத்தப்படுவதில் பயனில்லை!

6
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he is walking with a limp.

"What happened to you? asks Sean the bartender.

"Jamie O Conner and me had a fight." says Paddy.

"That little shit, O Conner " says Sean  "He couldn’t do that to you, he must of had something in his hand."

"That he did. says Paddy ''a shovel is what he had, and a terrible licken he gave me with it"

"Well'' says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?"

''That I did'' said Paddy..."Mrs. O Conner's Chest, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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7
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be
proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"

"No..........I'm a rabbit in Florida.
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வாழ்க வளமுடன்!